Dear Frog [old football mate]

I just heard a frog croaking outside my tent and it reminded me of you. Why are you called Frog? It's one of my life's biggest regrets that I never found out. I always assumed that it was because you are green and say "ribbit" a lot and you are covered in slime that makes one hallucinate when one licks it. I came close to licking you on many occasions, but you always hopped away at the last moment, damn you.

I would lick one of the frogs outside right now, but this would be a risky place to be hallucinating, especially of a night. It would almost certainly be a bad trip. There is water, fire, crocodiles, aboriginals, snakes, spiders, bush geese, bulls, falling trees, spinifex, scorpions, hypothermia, heat stroke, silicosis from RC dust, burst eardrums from the noise, red berries, brown snakes, stingrays, piranhas, fast-moving locomotives, trapdoors, wild boar, deranged field assistants and drillers, wedgetailed eagles, steep cliffs, quick sand, cannibals, ewoks, star troopers, klingons, muslims, jews, white pointers, white supremacists, white-tipped reef sharks, black-tipped reef sharks, pink-tipped reef sharks, and reef sharks with no tips at all but very sharp teeth indeed.

... But yes it would be a bad trip - there is too much worry. I certainly wouldn't be leaving my tent at night without a sharp mind, a sharper axe, and a fucking good reason...